Who Gets A Say?
These days, It seems as though everyone feels the freedom to speak into our lives. The internet has especially made this very easy for people to poke their proverbial noses into our lives. When locked up in religion, it seems that everyone has the right to tell you how to live your life. After all, they have the Bible, which tells us how to live a righteous life. However, when one is considered part of the "family of god," the communal aspect can be toxic. Suddenly, you feel responsible for listening to your elders, friends, congregates, acquaintances, and everyone else in between. And so it goes, ad nauseam.
As a life coach, I empower people to create safe spaces to gain better perspectives on their lives. But, first, allow me to be direct. You-and you alone- get to choose who has a say in your life. Nobody else has the right of opinion unless you give it to them.
When deciding if I should allow someone to speak into my life, I ask myself two simple questions:
Do they love me?
Do they have my best in mind?
If they meet those two simple criteria, then I may let them in my fence. Notice I did not include any of the following questions:
Are they good friends?
Are they family?
Are they a person in power?
I encourage you to be picky about whom you listen to and whom you give power to in your life. It's important to let people in; just make sure it's the right people.
For those of us who have already left religion, take some time to think through this situation. Then, ask yourself, who truly loves me and who has the best in mind for me?
Those are the beginnings of building a safe environment. Right now, you need to have a safe environment. Carefully consider who is safe in your life. Write down any names that come to mind. You may have no safe people right now and that. is. okay. You must first learn to trust yourself before you can trust others. It takes time.
Remember, train yourself to keep the others at a distance until they show themselves trustworthy and earn the right to speak into your life. Have a great day!