The Bait and Switch
If you exist on the margins, you are familiar with this tactic: a church sends out a welcoming invite declaring that, “all are welcome.” In the beginning, it feels like a safe place. Maybe, just maybe, this place will accept you for who you are. This is the bait.
Slowly you begin to let your guard down, yearning to connect and find a place of true community, then the switch happens. Your small group leader lovingly explains why you can’t be baptized until you repent of your sinful lifestyle. The mission trip leader explains that you cannot go to Guatemala to serve the poor without significant repentance. An embarrassed children’s worker turns down your offer to serve in the nursery, because of your “sexual sin.” “All are welcome” morphs into “all are welcome as long as you change,” and ends up in “not welcome.” The so-called love they share has conditions.
Many religions all over the world condemn people for sexual identities that differ from the norm. The norm offers acceptance, safety, and privilege. Like a gang, the norms protect each other and hunt those who refuse to join. Those outside the norm are not only unprivileged but dangerous. The norms use “clobber verses,” from the Bible, to support their beliefs that the LGTBQ+ are not only not normal but sinful. It doesn’t seem to matter that words are added to the biblical text. Many are not even aware that these words are added over time to support political and social agendas that have very little to do with the original verse meanings. They are added to support the norm. They are added to keep out the not norm.
How do I know this? When my daughter was eleven she came out as bisexual. I was serving at a large church at the time as an associate pastor. The comments and disapproving looks from staff and peers were terrible. On the scale of reactions, we had the bad: that this issue was caused by bad parenting. And the worst: a checklist of how we could fix her. The church seemed more concerned with how it looked to others. After all, they couldn’t have a pastor with an openly bi-sexual daughter. Because I didn’t condemn her coming out, I was continually challenged to declare my stance on the matter. It was my impression that I needed to choose. In my mind, there never was a choice. My daughter will win every time.
Have you faced this challenge within religion? Have you felt shame for being who you are? I would love to hear your story.