Let’s Talk About Sex

Have you heard these statements before?

"Sex before marriage is bad."

"Masturbation is wrong."

"How far is too far?"

"All forms of light petting and heavy petting are wrong"

"You will be psychologically screwed up if you have sex before you are married."

"If you have sex, you are having sex with every person with whom that person previously had sex."

"Sex before marriage makes you a used-up piece of bubble gum."

Growing up in religion, I was always taught that sex was sacred, designed to be shared only within strict parameters: 

  • Only between a man and woman

  • Only within the boundaries of marriage.

If you ventured outside of these strict parameters, you sully yourself "like a chewed-up piece of gum or a filthy rag." Church leaders used the fear of STDs and pregnancy to tighten control. The majority of the pressure was placed upon the women. After all, all men wanted to marry a virgin; however, in reality, not all men wanted to be a virgin. This purity culture has mentally fundamentally traumatized generations of youth and adults, as it provided no remedy for the sexual dysfunction it created. 

The fact that a woman should “save” herself for a man because that is her gift to him is a crazy concept. Under this regime, a woman's body is not her own. Incredulously, her body exists only as a gift to the man. This idea suspiciously sounds like something that a man would think up.

Religion has used sex as a power play from the beginning. Women have been told what to wear, how to act, what to say and to always give the man what he wants in bed so he does not stray. When a man does stray, the wife is blamed for not meeting his sexual needs and the other woman is blamed for inciting his lust. What the actual...It’s rather sickening. 

This gaslighting is not limited to just sex either. The Bible has been used to command women not to hold church office, speak in church, question authority. The oppression of women has infiltrated many if not all areas of society. This saddens me to the core. Even when I was part of religion I couldn't stomach this teaching. However, many would refuse to speak up for fear of being booted out of a leadership position. I am sad to say I was one. For that, I am deeply sorry. As a result of this teaching, generations of women have grown up with body images issues and a lack of true self. 

May I encourage you to not allow this male-dominated society/religion to determine who you are? You are so much more than the box they try to put you in.

Do you struggle with the way you were raised to think about your body and sex? Would you like to learn how to live freely? You are not alone. So many of us who were raised in these teachings need help and support. I know how you feel and the struggle it causes both mentally and physically. Don’t hesitate to do something about it. You are worth it.

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